Hey kids, McMattStache here for the first in a series of Moustache How To’s during Cache-4-Tache’s drive to fundraising greatness. Today’s How To is a crucial one, as it sets the tone for your personal happiness this month.
Many of your moustaches will sleep peacefully solo this month. This post is not for you, so please focus on other things like raising funds.
For those who are about to introduce the concept of a moustache to their significant other, here are a few simple tips and tricks you can use to balance your need for lip bristle with your need for lip locking. Try some of these lines:
- “It will save on our heating bills.” Did you know your upper lip has the highest collection of nerve endings related to your body’s ability to regulate warmth? Did you know that when you speak in rhetorical questions you can make anything sound factual?
- “You’re just jealous.” The best defense is a good offense. Go get ’em, tiger.
- “A recent news story showed that there’s a demonstrable link between moustache growth and wealth.” I’m serious – check it out.
- “What moustache?” This is an aggressive technique and needs 31-day dedication. Try supporting it with things like “Razors promote global warming,” “Don’t you love me as I am?” or the moneymaker – “I’m all natural.”
These are just a few to get you started. Beyond this you’ll need to take the reigns yourself. Growing a moustache is no passive sport, chap. You’ll need to stay agile, focused, and possibly even sleep with you eyes open to make sure you don’t wake up with a shaven face from your loved one. In that case, remember here’s a way to make an emergency moustache.
Till next time…go raise some money!