The average mustache has between 5,000 and 10,000 hairs. With 32 manly biters globally taking part in the glorious
month of Movember, that means each hair on a Bite chaps top lips has raised a massive 95 cents (or 57 pence). Yes, Bite’s Movember efforts have garnered a whopping $9,500+ to-date…and it aint over yet.
And, in our final effort to draw one last Mo’ment of fun out of this marvelous month, we’ve decided to – well – put it to the common vote. Yes, you – the mo-adoring public – will have the honor of choosing not only your “Man”, but also your “Boy of Movember” as well.
Detailed below you will find the five front runners from Bite across the globe in each category. ‘Man of Movember’ is obviously the behemoth that has cultivated the thickest, bushiest most mes-mo-rizing top lip in the last 30 days. Boy is for those try-hards who, despite their best efforts, are still being asked if they were ever taking part in the first place.
You have until end-of day Friday Pacific Time to vote. Can I encourage those contenders in each category to launch their own campaigns to win their respective crowns and maybe even raise a few final extra coins in the process.
It’s been a hard fought month gentlemen. May the best Mo win.
MAN OF MOVEMBER
1. ‘Biggles’ Berry: ‘Bezza’ has been a front runner from the start and doesn’t disappoint with his final pic looking as resplendent as the fictional world war 1 comic book hero he clearly modelled himself on. Tom, if we could give you this award based purely on your Mr Spock eyebrow pose, we would.
2. McStache Matt: Despite his youth, McLernon essentially had this wrapped up on the west coast from day one putting many of the older entrants from Bite SF to shame. Matt puts the success of McStache down to good breeding and Miracle-gro.
3: Lady Tickler Lederer: The key to wearing a mustache successfully is attitude and the scowl on Tony’s face is the perfect accompaniment to the bristles on his top lip. Undoubtedly the tidiest of all entries, the question is whether Tony’s unwillingness to take a risk with his mo is going to cost him dear.
4. Entin the Unstoppable: OK, so, we considered disqualification based on the fact that Ari failed to shave the rest of his face for the last few days but there’s absolutely no denying the quality of growth. Entin also wins the sub-category of “having to shave to the highest point on his cheeks”.
5. The Beastmaster: Matt Stewart let everyone down last week by failing to submit an entry but has come on strong once again in the final week. His immaculately groomed, ginger horseshoe lies somewhere between Son’s of Anarchy and Beast-Man out of He-Man. Matt also wins the sub-category of “highest proportion of facial to head hair”.
TO VOTE FOR YOUR MAN OF MOVEMBER, PLEASE CLICK THE BELOW LINK.
BREAKING NEWS: It’s with a heavy heart that at this late stage in the competition I have to inform you that former front runner Tony Hynes has been disqualified for, well, being a big girl and shaving his mo two days short of deadline BECAUSE HIS WIFE TOLD HIM TO. Tone, i think i speak for everyone this side of the Atlantic when I say you let us down.
BOY OF MOVEMBER
1. Growthless Grant Currie: Given his advancing years, more was expected of Cuzza however its taken to week five for people to visibly identify any formation of hair beneath Grantie’s nose.
2. Mo-free Matt Basford: Matt is hopeful his youthful looks will win the popular ladies vote and mask the fact that his muzzy could have been etched on with a HB pencil
3. Glabrous* Greg Salmon: Like Basford, Greg still has youth on his side so shouldn’t despair that 720 hours growth has given him as much hair on his top lip as a newborn.
4. Weeping Will Willis: Will pulls off his best victorian gentlemen look in this pic but it can’t hide the fact that his mo could be removed by a strong lick from his cat.
5. Clive “The CE-MO” Armitage: That cheeky east end grin hides the fact that the slug currently perching on Clive’s top lip is there largely thanks to wire wool and superglue
At this point it’s also important to note that Will and Matt Basford are the only people to get bored halfway through the month and shave off their mo’s. Subsequently please take into account that they are the only people to have grown TWO MO’S in the last 4 weeks (although also take into account it’s unlikely they’d have grown any more if they’d gone the whole way through).
TO VOTE FOR YOUR BOY OF MOVEMBER PLEASE CLICK THE BELOW LINK:
Voting will close end of play Friday with our men and boys being announced on Monday 12/6
Let the games begin!
*Glabrous apparently means bald. It’s the only word Thesaurus.com could throw up that came anywhere near hair free