1. How do you feel about being crowned man/boy of movember?
Ari: For the most part, indifferent. To truly put this in perspective though, let me answer your question with one of my own. What do waking up, eating and breathing have in common? The answer of course is that we expect these to happen, much as I did with this contest.
Matt: Humbled. I have so many people to thank. Mainly, my parents and my long line of ancestors that excelled at growing poor facial hair. My girlfriend, for not giving up on me while I was receiving consistent ridicule. And, Jesus Christ.
2. Who is your Mo idol and why?
Ari: Ron Burgundy, Anchorman. We have so much in common. We both care about delivering the news, drink scotch, love us some afternoon delight and consistently wear robes to pool parties.
Matt: Adam Morrison, circa Gonzaga basketball 2006. He put a thin-haired mustache on the map the world hadn’t seen since the likes of Jimmy Buffet with his classic “pencil thin mustache” tune from the ‘70s.
3. What was your funniest Mo story during the month of Movember?
Ari: This is kind of a tossup because there were two things that happened over and over again. First, I’m convinced people used this as an opportunity to finally tell me that they have a hard time taking me seriously as they walk out in the middle of meetings. The other reaction was outside of Bite. No matter who my wife and I ran into, people would run over to her, offer their condolences and look at me as if I’d just thrown a puppy off a roof. Ladies, I get it…you didn’t know how to react to my mustache because, to be honest, 60% of the time it works all the time.
Matt: Those that could decipher a ‘tache certainly weren’t impressed, nor did they find it appealing. I overhead an otherwise friendly couple in a NYC bar laugh at my – as they put it – “homeless mustache.” So, they decided it necessary to not only cut down my personal hygiene, but also my financial well-being. Double whammy.
4. What design were you going for?
Ari: There is just so much space between my nose and my upper lip that I discarded specific design and went for square footage. It’s like my facial hair was in a land grab ala Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman riding horses to stake their flags in the ground in the movie Far and Away. That’s right, my facial hair is just as dangerous as the wild, wild west.
Matt: You know Linus from Charlie Brown? Those strings of hair he had on his head? That’s what my upper lip had in mind. I didn’t have a say in the matter.
5. Did your growth live up to your expectations?
Ari: I’d say it met my expectations spot on. It’s more of a curse than a blessing when your family tree resides in Eastern Europe and the Middle East. In fact our family tree doesn’t have branches with leaves, we just have more hair.
Matt: Sadly, it blew my expectations out of the water. It was a stellar month for me.
6. Is this the first time you’ve attempted a mo?
Ari: I tried once before when I didn’t know how to manscape my face. I stopped when people asked if was Michael J. Fox’s stunt double in Teen Wolf.
Matt: I once thought I had grown a ‘mo, but realized I had in fact fallen down and scratched my lip. So, I think the answer to your question is yes.
7. Would you consider growing one permanently?
Ari: This is a tough one because now that I shaved, my upper lip feels naked and I kind of miss it. Then I realized I look the opposite of good and was driving away anyone who ever cared about me. So I guess my answer is yes, I would grow one permanently and end up like Moses just drifting alone in a desert.
Matt: I would, and I’ll tell you why. I had a total of 37 hairs on my upper lip, and I felt exactly 37X manlier in the month of Movember. I was exactly 37X more influential in every day discussions than your common, mo-less, male. I had vigor and life I had never experienced. I anticipate hitting puberty soon, and if I can get that up to 39, maybe 40, hairs I just might conquer this world yet.
8. Will you be taking part next year?
Ari: Defending champions don’t take a year off. I expect to train in the off season and not let my endorsement deals distract me.
Matt: You can bet your quivering lip I will.